


no escape from reality

by sweetlady



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Confidence Issues, sad roger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 17:12:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17646593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlady/pseuds/sweetlady
Summary: roger is insecure and believes he is worth nothing, brian loves roger dearly and would do anything to help his lover.





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is my first time posting my queen fanfics on here so please go easy on me!! but a slight introduction, I’m Julia! I love queen very much they mean the world to me! and I love writing!
> 
> I am sort of new to writing fan fictions and I am also still improving on my writing so just a brief warning I guess!
> 
> I hate to say this chapter is a sad one,,,but it’s a sad one :( 
> 
> trigger warning: mentions of purging  
> !!!lowercase intended!!!
> 
> whoop let’s go!

his throat burned, eyes screwed tight, knuckles white from the strong grip he held. tears brimmed his tightly shut eyes as he purged, the knuckles of his hand becoming a painful red. 

roger hated himself, he hated the way he looked, talked, everything. brian would always tell him the sweetest things about him and how much he loved him—but roger never believed it, as much as he wanted to he could never bring himself to believe all the sweet words his lover said about him. 

harsh sobs left his mouth as he sat against the wall of the bathroom sink, he brought his knees to his chest and cried his eyes out. another thing he hated about himself, how much he cried. he was a burden in his own eyes. he didn't know how brian put up with his childish ways but either way, he didn't deserve it. he didn't deserve all those kind and caring words leaving his lovers mouth. 

roger was treated awfully by his father and past lovers. but when he met brian his whole world changed. no one had ever treated him as amazing and caring as brian. he still couldn't believe how lucky he had gotten. he would always ask brian questions such as 'do you really love me?' or 'why do you love me?' and brian would of course respond with kind answers such as 'yes of course I love you, more than anything.' and 'I love you because you're you. you're amazing, beautiful, kind, you're everything I could ever wish for." 

and of course roger believed him, well, he wanted to believe him. but the little voice in his head would always trick him into thinking brian just wanted him because he was bored of being single— which is completely untrue. 

roger sobbed in the bathroom as the voices in his head reminded him how useless he was. his tears flowing like a never ending waterfall, until a knock on the bathroom door caught his attention. 

“babe? are you alright?— it’s me, brian” roger heard his boyfriends muffled voice through the door and he quickly scrambled to his feet and flushed the toilet to get rid of the “evidence” he wiped his mouth, washed his hands, and gurgled some strong minty mouth wash. brian didn’t know about rogers recent habit of purging. roger hated to keep his lover in the dark but he simply couldn’t bring himself to face brian about it.

“yes bri! everything is fine— I’ll be right out!” the blonde said, putting his acting skills to the test. 

brian was smarter though, he knew roger more than he knew himself and he could definitely tell something was off with his boyfriend. he decided not to pry as he could tell roger was already going through a rough time. he had heard rogers loud sobs through the bathroom door and immediately went into panic mode.

brian sighed against the door, he wished his lover would communicate with him more about what he was going through. brian knew how roger was extremely insecure, he knew about his rough past. but what he didn’t know was how roger would harm himself. 

he decided tonight he would let it go— he turned away from the door and headed towards their shared bed. it had been a long day and to say the least, brian was tired. but he wanted to spare roger the extra time so he made their bed and brought out all of rogers favorite warm blankets in attempt to cheer him up. he also sat a glass of water on the nightstand for roger to drink. 

when he heard the bathroom door click he looked up and saw his beloved boyfriend. roger was wearing brian’s long sleeved pajama top and boxers, he looked so small and adorable in brian’s clothes. 

“come to bed love—” brian said softly and smoothly and rogers heart fluttered. he walked over to the bed and didn’t hesitate to snuggle himself into brian’s warm arms. brian could tell roger was crying, his eyes were red and puffy and missing their usual happy spark.

“rog you know I love you right?” he said reassuringly and roger tilted his head upwards before looking back down and toying with the hem of the warm blanket.

“yes babe— I love you too” the blonde said and let himself fall deeper into brian’s arms. brian kissed the top of rogers head and pulled him into a tighter hold. 

rogers eyes fluttered shut and soon enough sleep took over his body. brian sighed once again, he didn’t know what was wrong with his beloved boyfriend, but he was sure to figure it out and to help bring happiness back to his lover.

he knew there was a way, he just wasn’t sure how.


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after...things start off smoothly but quickly take a turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! chapter two is here!! I just want to quickly thank you all for all the love and support, you are all amazing!! I busted my ass writing this chapter because I really wanted to get it out today! hope you enjoy!
> 
> trigger warning: mentions of throwing up, eating disorder, self hate.

As the morning sun shined through the curtains of Brian and Roger’s room the blondes eyes fluttered open as he awakened from his deep sleep. Sitting up slowly, he noticed the empty spot next to him and frowned, he knew Brian was an early bird but he still couldn't help but feel a little sad when he would wake up alone. Rolling over to look at the time he noticed a small little note stuck on their alarm clock; the note read _‘_ sorry to leave you alone love, didn't want to wake you up…I’m in the kitchen dealing with Fred and John! -Bri’Roger couldn't help but smile slightly at the sweet note written in his boyfriends handwriting. He was so grateful he had someone like Brian in his life. 

 

He neatly folded the note and put it in the nightstand drawer before dragging himself out of the warm blankets. Chills spread throughout his entire body as his bare feet came in contact with the cold floor, he sped walked over to his drawer and pulled out some socks to protect his feet from the cold floor. After he had slipped on some warm freshly washed socks, he slowly made his way out of his and Brian’s warm room and into the cold hallway of the shared flat and into the kitchen, where various loud sounds and groans of frustration could be heard. 

 

As he walked into the kitchen he was met with the sight of Brian sitting at the table, thoroughly reading a book, John mixing what Roger assumed was pancake batter, and Freddie waltzing around the kitchen singing various unknown tunes all at once. Roger walked over to the table and took a seat in an empty chair next to Brian, who jumped slightly as he was so into his book he didn't notice Roger until he plopped himself into the chair. Roger giggled slightly at how he had surprised his boyfriend and Brian looked up at his lover and smiled sweetly, “Good morning love,” he said and leaned over to kiss Roger’s cheek lightly. Roger was about to return a kiss to Brian but was interrupted by Freddie who had loudly made a fake gagging noise.

“Oh no darlings we do not need to see _porn_ so early in the morning!” he said and Roger simply punched him in the shoulder, “Good morning to you too, Fred…” the blonde muttered in a rather annoyed tone and averted his attention back to Brian.

 

“John darling, can you please hurry up with those pancakes? its early in the morning and a bitch is getting hungry!” Freddie exclaimed and Brian and Roger just gave each other a look before chuckling at their overdramatic friend. Brian had noticed Roger seemed to be in a better mood than usual, and he felt overjoyed. He hated to see his lover in such a gloomy mood. 

 

“Shut your trap Fred. Anymore complaints out of you and I’ll throw the entire batter away and you will eat nothing but an apple for breakfast—” John threatened before turning around and noticing the blonde seated next to Brian “Oh…didn’t see you there Rog! Good morning!” he said sweetly and nodded before turning around again to finish cooking, “Morning, Deaky” was all Roger said before turning his attention back to Brian, who was explaining all the different types of stars to him, he loved when Brian would teach him about his passion, he really didn’t know anything about space but Brian had this amazing ability to make it so interesting to learn about. 

 

The couples conversation was interrupted by the loud sound of John placing a large plate of pancakes on the table, Brian started to fill everyones cups with orange juice before taking two pancakes for himself. A loud squeal came from Freddie and he immediately took around four pancakes for himself, John rolled his eyes and only took two. Roger, at first didn't take any pancakes as he “wasn’t hungry” but he turned his head and saw a sympathetic look on Brian’s face, “babe, you should eat— please?” he begged and Roger gave him a little nod before taking one pancake for himself and ate small bits of the food. Roger hated eating breakfast, or eating in general. He felt when he would eat he would just be adding on to the fat he already had, he hated his body, he was far too overweight in his eyes, but to his friends eyes; Roger was rather very skinny, he had almost no body fat but it wasn't good enough to him. 

 

Throughout breakfast Roger barely touched his food, he nearly took 10 small bites out of the food before he felt the need to throw up. The blonde got lost in a heavy train of thought, his insecurities instantly taking over his thoughts as he anxiously picked his food. Freddie seemed to noticed his friends distress and put a hand on Roger’s shoulder. Roger immediately snapped his head up at his brunettes friend as he had been brought out of his train of thought, “Dear, are you okay?” Freddie asked sympathetically and Roger wanted to scoff at the question, but he didn’t, instead he just gave his friend a small nod and smile. But Freddie didn’t stop there “Are you sure?? you've barely touched your food!!— you're so skinny dear, you need to eat” he said and Brian cleared his throat and kicked Freddie’s shin under the table “Ow! wanker…” the brunette exclaimed “Sorry dear…I didn’t mean to come off like an arse.” he apologized and Roger just nodded once again. 

“Its okay Fred…I’m actually not that hungry, thank you for breakfast Deaks it was great” The blonde said before getting up from the table and running to his and Brian’s room, Brian didn't even have time to try and grab Roger’s hand as he had escaped so quickly. 

 

“Good job arsehole!” John said and hit Freddie’s arm. “I’m sorry!! I didn’t mean to be rude— god I’m such a bitch..” he said and slammed his head on his arms on the table and let out a groan. 

 

Roger couldn't help the tears that escaped his eyes as he slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it. He regretted eating, he felt fat. He lifted the toilet lid and didn't hesitate to stick his fingers down his throat, as he retched, more and more tears flowed out of his eyes and soon enough he was vomiting the sweet pancakes he had eaten. His body started to ache at the uncomfortable position he was in. His throat started to burn and his knees felt numb. 

 

When he was done he flushed the toilet and let himself fall to the bathroom floor and he hugged his knees to his chest and cried. Why did he have to be such a _baby_? He cried for everything and he hated it, yet he couldn’t seem to stop. Loud knocks echoed throughout the bathroom “Roger? It’s me Brian please open the door love!” Brian shouted through the bathroom door “L-leave me a-alone b-bri!!” Roger shouted back through sobs “Roger, baby, please open the door!” he begged again but his lover wouldn't budge. Brian let out a sigh, he turned around and sprinted to Freddie’s room immediately going to his vanity to find a bobby pin of some sort, once he found what he was looking for he sprinted back to his and Roger’s room and to the bathroom door. Thank god Freddie had taught Brian how to pick locks, Brian didn't ever think he'd use the technique but here he was picking the lock of the bathroom door to get his boyfriend. 

 

It took Brian more than a few times but after a couple of frustrated groans, the door budged, and the sight he saw broke his heart. He quickly went over to his crying boyfriend and scooped him in his arms bridal style. This was an easy task due to how light Roger had become, the curly haired man gently placed Roger on the bed and begin to cover him with blankets and smother the small man with cuddles. Roger was still crying, and Brian let him cry his eyes out, not caring about his now tear stained t-shirt. 

 

“B-bri I’m s-sorry!” The blonde cried and Brian held him closer to his chest and shushed him sweetly “Love you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about.” he reassured his sobbing boyfriend. 

 

“I-i’m trying bri!! I really am t-trying to eat!— b-but i’m such a b-baby I can’t even d-do that!” He sobbed and stuck to Brian even more, if that was possible. Brian felt his heart ache at the words coming out of his boyfriends mouth, he knew Roger had problems with eating, but he never knew they were this serious. “Roger, babe, look at me. You are not a baby. You are the strongest person I know. What Freddie said was very unnecessary and I’m sure he feels guilty about it— but please love, don’t ever for a second, think you are a baby because I can reassure you right now, you are not a baby. okay?” He said sternly but sweetly and Roger gave him a small nod and looked up at him with his bright blue eyes. “We don’t have to do anything today if you want. We can just relax and watch movies…how does that sound??” Brian suggested and Roger gave a weak giggle “That sounds lovely Bri” he said with a hoarse voice due to all the crying he had done. 

 

For the next couple of minutes him and Brian just cuddled, Brian would play with strands of Rogers blonde hair and whisper kind things into his ear to make Roger smile, which they make him smile. Their cuddle session had been interrupted by a soft knock on their bedroom door, the door opened slightly and two heads popped in. It was Freddie and John. Freddie didn't hesitate to walk over to the couples bed and sit at the foot of the bed while John stood by the door “Roger, dear, I am truly so sorry for that arsehole comment. I should have known better than to say rude shit like that…if you want to punch me I give you full permission and access” he said truthfully and Roger laughed at his little comment “That was an arsehole comment, but I forgive you Freddie” the blonde said and Freddie gave out a big sigh of relief “Oh thank fuck!” Freddie exclaimed over dramatically and grinned at Roger.

 

“Rog, you know we love you right?” John spoke up and Roger smiled fondly at him. “Yes, and I love all of you too…even though you can all be fucking annoying!” he said and laughter erupted from all four of them. 

 

“Alright lovebirds. We will leave you two be…but keep it pg in here!!” Freddie said and Roger and Brian both blushed at the comment. When both John and Freddie were gone Roger fondly looked up at Brian and smiled sweetly, god he loved this man so much he couldn’t express it. 

“I love you so much, Bri” Roger said and Brian grinned “I love you too babe” he responded back with before leaning his head down and connecting his lips with Rogers. When the two pulled away Roger giggled and snuggled himself more into his beloved boyfriend. They both knew things weren't okay…but for now, everything was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo thank you for reading chapter two!! did you all like it?? i hope so!! I will say I am not the proudest of my writing in this chapter but its fine I guess lol. Man when I say it hurts me to write sad Roger, it really does hurt, I hate seeing my baby sad :( but its okay cause he won't be sad for long! or will he?....
> 
> thank you for all your love and support!! love you all! <3
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @kiilerqueens 
> 
> find me on instagram!  
> @freddiesvibrato

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this chapter!! 
> 
> I know this story is deep and it’s only going to get deeper! but I promise everything will be happy and fluffy soon! It hurts my heart to write sad roger cause I love him so much but he will get a break and a happy ending ;) 
> 
> find me on tumblr!  
> @kiilerqueens
> 
> find me on instagram!   
> @freddiesvibrato


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